What Is a Normal Sex Life?

What Is a Normal Sex Life?

People's sexual attitudes and practices vary a great deal. Therefore, defining "normal" is almost impossible. Some couples like to have sex daily. For others, once a month is enough. Many people see oral sex (using the mouth or tongue) as a normal part of sex, but some believe it is not acceptable. "Normal" for you and your partner is whatever gives you pleasure together. Both partners should agree on how to make their sex life happy.

People's sexual attitudes and practices vary a great deal. Therefore, defining "normal" is almost impossible. Some couples like to have sex daily. For others, once a month is enough. Many people see oral sex (using the mouth or tongue) as a normal part of sex, but some believe it is not acceptable.

"Normal" for you and your partner is whatever gives you pleasure together. Both partners should agree on how to make their sex life happy.

It is normal for some people with cancer to lose interest in sex at times. Doubts and fears can make you feel less than your best. At times, concern about your health may overshadow your interest in sex.

Once you return to your normal routines, however, your interest in sex can begin to return.

It is also normal to be interested in sex throughout your life. This is an important point because most cancers occur more often with age, particularly among those 50 and older.

Many people, however, believe that sex is only for the young and that older people lose their desire for sex and their ability to "perform."

These beliefs are largely myths. Men and women can and do remain sexually active until the end of life. No one should ever have to apologize for still having an interest in sex "at my age." (See the Additional Resources section at the end of this document for publications on sex and aging.)

What is normal isn't always what the media has led us to expect. The media influences our ideas about normal sexuality. Since the 1960s, books, TV, movies, and magazines have become more sexually explicit. For the most part, American adults have benefited from having more open discussion about sex. But the media has also promoted some unrealistic standards of "good sex." Men think they are expected to have instant erections. Women feel inferior if they fail to reach orgasm at least once in every session of lovemaking. If you find yourself feeling inadequate, remember that the only true measure of your worth as a lover is the pleasure you and your partner find together.

It is true that sexual response and function may change with aging. For example, more than half of men over age 40 have at least a little trouble with erections. For some of these men the problem is severe. Sometimes, the problem centers around anxiety or tension within a relationship. Other times, it is mostly a physical condition that causes or worsens sexual problems.

We now have medicines, therapy, surgery, and other treatments that can help men and their partners deal with most kinds of difficulty they may have. If you want to continue an active sex life, you are very likely to be able to do so. If you are in a relationship, any sexual difficulty affects both of you. It works best when your partner can be part of the solution.

Sexuality is one aspect of our need for closeness, touch, playfulness, caring, and pleasure. Even when sex becomes difficult, such as during a severe or terminal illness, the physical expression of caring remains an important way of sharing closeness.